There's a reason i make all these comments about not quite being an adult yet. And some of them have been reminded to me in unpleasant fashion over the last few days. Veronica and i have been looking for a dog to fill the void in our lives left after Cobi passed. We've spent more than a little time at local rescue missions and animal shelters, but haven't found any doggies that have screamed "I'm the one! Take me home!". On Wednesday V sent me some photos she'd gotten from a woman advertising lab mix puppies on Craigslist, and i was taken with a little chocolate-colored girl. Having really missed Cobi over the last few months, we both decided to just take the plunge and get a new puppy. So we drove down to San Jose, played with the little girl for 15 minutes, and bought the 8 week old pup for $250.

As soon as the ride home i began to realize the commitment we'd just made, and began to question whether it was one we could fulfill. The pup, justifiably frightened at these strange new people and her new surroundings, was very restless and hard to settle. She seemed to have been at least partially housebroken, but we had trouble reading her requests, resulting in several accidents in the house. At bedtime she was understandably skeptical of her crate and whined and yelped when put in. Neither V or i got any sleep that night as we tried to look after her. I ended up laying on the floor with the dog from 4 until 9am, trying to simulate her old sleep environment with her littermates. Come morning, i confided in V that i thought we'd made a mistake. Our love of dogs and grief over losing Cobi led us to attempt to insert another dog into the role that Cobi filled. She was an older dog, happy to relax on the couch and cuddle, and fine with being left alone. An 8 week old puppy doesn't match any of those specifications, and our lifestyle doesn't match with that needed to attend to a pup.

While V had to fly down to LA for a funeral yesterday, i ended up returning the little chocolate lab to the woman in San Jose, who was very sympathetic. Part of me feels downright stupid for taking on the responsibility of a puppy and then bailing out 24 hours later. V and i discussed things and came to the conclusion that we're not at a point in our lives where we can raise a young dog. With work and friends and family, we can't be there 24 hours a day to properly train it. And we're not ready to sacrifice to attempt to meet that demand. That part sounds selfish, and it probably is, but it's also realistic. I've been asking myself whether things will be different when we have kids ... will i also be asking if i can take it back a day after my child comes home? Honestly, i don't think it's the same, but for fear of trying to build up an excuse i won't go into that further.

Maybe part of the reason i feel so guilty is that i really would like to try to train a puppy, but i can't do it with everything else in my life. One day i will raise a doggie, but it will have to wait until i can in good faith give her the attention she deserves. And to our little chocolate lab puppy, i just hope she gets a good family that gives her the love she needs and deserves.